Have you ever lost an item that’s really important to you, something irreplaceable? Just think for a moment how you felt…..

Immediately?

Shocked, panicky, sweating, numb, can’t believe it’s happened? Tearful, shaky, tight-chested?

And later?

Searching endlessly, can’t concentrate, breathing faster, indecisive, behaving irrationally, angry and frustrated?

If our bodies can produce reactions like this to the loss of an object, it’s no wonder we feel so dreadful following the death of someone with whom we have a strong bond. But the immediate feelings change with acceptance as time passes, although anxiety ebbs and flows, always causing the same feelings when it returns. 
 

What has anxiety got to do with grief?

When you first hear the news, you will have a rush of thoughts and feelings which kick off the body’s anxiety reaction (Fight or Flight). This may make you feel sick, look pale, become sweaty, feel faint and weak-muscled.  It can also affect the way you think, making you lose your self-confidence, asking what seem like silly questions, forgetting information, being unable to make sense of what others are saying to you. These are all absolutely normal parts of the anxiety reaction.


Will I always feel this bad?

No. Anxiety is a normal reaction to bad news but it’s relatively short-term. You can help yourself in many ways.  The symptoms it brings can be very alarming but you should use the WASP technique to calm yourself when you feel them returning. You can also control your Breathing at any time to help you regain a sense of control, especially if you sometimes find it difficult to stop crying.  If you are experiencing great fatigue and low mood, it may be linked to anxiety and poor sleep.  
 

What about the coming months? I’m dreading them…